What is Family?

March 25, 2018

By Bridget Grella

In my practice I see good family relationships and bad. I realize how lucky I am to have my family. At the helm are my Mother and Dad. They have always put family first and so my sisters and I try to do the same. Furthermore, I try to instill in my daughters that family comes first.  But what does that really mean?

In my humble opinion it means that you don’t always come first. I mean we cannot think like a five year old forever…although I have met people that do! Part of what family teaches us that we must work hard and pitch in. We must see ourselves as an individual but also as a unit and that when you are called you must deliver. By the way all of these characteristics have served me well in life too.

Simple honor and respect is always the best approach. These people brought you into the world and as my father mentioned to me in my teenage years…he could also take me out. It is funny, although I am 44 years old I still am proud to have the approval of my family, really to know and feel that my parents are proud of me. My father is a hard working somewhat quiet Irish man. So if he communicated with us as kids it was because we had done something wrong and needed to do something different. The old adage I am you father not your friend…really was never a question in my mind. I laugh as I discipline my daughters to think about the element in our relationship that has a slight negotiation to it. And today how my Father is with my daughters. He is not the same man that raised me but that is because he is the grandparent –all of the fun none of the discipline!  It is fantastic to watch.

What does all of this have to do with money? Well everything and nothing. I have my father’s blue eyes and my Mother’s retail therapy. I have my father’s work ethic and both of my parent’s generosity. I feel guilty if I take a vacation- again gratis to daddy and mother…who we are and what we believe fundamentally comes from our parents and their parents before them. Funny how we discuss who we look like and who our personality is most like but we never chat about what the money relationship is and who the behavior came from. 

Part of understanding where you came from helps drive where you will go…to understand your money “issues” can lay the ground work for change. Imagine how powerful one could be if they simply took all of the good they learned from their families and worked on the “issues”…personally I believe some of our issues make us interesting but money issues…those can set us up for failure so keep on working on those…no only to benefit our lives but our children’s too.